CD 21: Hopeful, with a Cold?

This morning’s new symptoms = me catching a cold. Well, I’m not quite sure if it’s a cold, or if the air is just super dry. I had another crazy intense dream last night, but I do get weird dreams on occasion. At least, unlike the night before, there were no giant snakes this time.

Temp is still up, but no third shift yet. The TWW does go so very slowly. Still expecting AF on Saturday. I’ve felt like I’m “just about to get my period” for the entirety of the time after taking the trigger shot, so all of this is my body being extra sensitive to these meds. I shudder to think how I’ll handle those crazy IVF drugs should we need to move on to that!

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Shouldn’t have taken that test…

Still CD20. Still dealing with these “between the eyes” headaches and nauseous feeling in my throat. I know I’m supposed to wait another 5 days to test, but I caved. Which is dumb because for all intents and purposes right now any test “positive” line, however faint, is likely the trigger shot still leaving my system.

But I took the test nonetheless… out of pure curiosity. The good news is that even a faint line today could help be a baseline for what to compare to in a few days when I test again. And, it could give me some hope, albeit based on disillusion.

So… indeed, there was a very faint… very faint line on the test. Again, it’s likely just the trigger shot exiting my system. I’ve read places that it leaves the body in 10 days, and other places that it takes at least 14. One site recommended not testing until 20 days post trigger (by that point I’ll pretty much know I’m pregnant.)

Anyway, it feels good to for a second think I might actually be pregnant. If I’m not, I’m really concerned I have food poisoning from that chicken I ate the other day…

 

CD 21 (11 DPO) – headaches, nausea, cramping, and hope.

Maybe I’m just getting sick or having a severe case of PMS. My temps are still safely up at my post-ovulation levels, but haven’t actually gone up further. I’ve been at 98.1 flat for past two days. Which could mean – anything.

Based on prior Femera cycles, I seem to get AF (“Aunt Flow”) 14 days after ovulating on the dot. My body is a strange beast. I think it wants so desperately to be working properly (I must have my grandmother-who-bore-6-children-before-27’s DNA, huh?) but since I don’t ovulate on my own, it goes into overdrive to prove it can work when I get the meds that make me finally grow and release an egg(s.) Or, so that’s what I tell myself to keep sane and hopeful.

So – either I’ll be getting a visit from AF on my 34th birthday, or I’ll be left to wonder… did something stick this cycle? I’m planning to test Sunday or later. I kind of want to just wait it out until CD 36 as my natural cycles have been ~35 days lately (though some have been much longer), and if AF isn’t here by then it’s worth testing. I don’t think it makes a huge difference if I’m 4 weeks pregnant or 5 weeks when I find out, as long as I avoid alcohol (and, lawd knows all of this “am I pregnant?” stress – plus the holiday season – makes it hard to avoid… but I shall abstain for good measure.)

 

Cycle 2: CD 19 – Should I Be Hopeful?

Trying really hard not to get my hopes up. So far this whole TTC with PCOS thing has been brought to you by believing I probably can’t have kids. But I have a feeling (and a tiny hint of data) that this cycle may be different. And, why wouldn’t it be? I get to take my first pregnancy test on my 34th birthday.

Why do I think I might be pregnant? Well, I haven’t had any implementation bleeding yet, but apparently not all women get that. My BBT chart leads me to think this could be the cycle for BFP. It also could just be my body freaking out after being shot up with HCG a week ago and releasing a bunch of eggs. I’ll find out fairly soon.

I’ve read a bit about triphasic charts when you are pregnant… your temp starts low, it goes up after you ovulate, and then, after implementation it goes up again if you have the right amount of progesterone to stay pregnant. Two days ago, which was 6-7 days post ovulation, I had a dip in my temps (down to 97.3) and then it went back up. That’s either a fluke, or a good sign. It seems a little early to be an implementation dip (I triggered on CD 11, which means I likely didn’t ovulate until CD 13 — but with the trigger shot and what I was feeling I wonder if I released a little early. It’s apparently possible 24 hours after trigger but usually around 36.)

So far, my chart looks like this:

CD 11: trigger (9pm)
CD 12 (0 DPO): slight temp rise and strong ov. feels (97.3)
CD 13 (1 DPO): very strong rise (98.0)
CD 14 (2 DPO): remains strong rise (98.1)
CD 15 (3 DPO): possible corpes luteum dip  (97.4)
CD 16 (4 DPO): up again
CD 17 (5 DPO): slight drop
CD 18 (6 DPO): major drop – too early for implantation??? (97.3)
CD 19 (7 DPO): up again
CD 20 (8 DPO): possible triphasic shift (98.3)
CD 21 (9 DPO): tbd
CD 22 (10 DPO): tbd
CD 23 (11 DPO): tbd
CD 24 (12 DPO): tbd
CD 25 (13 DPO): tbd
CD 26 (14 DPO): — * 34th birthday
CD 27 (15 DPO): tbd
CD 28 (16 DPO): tbd

So – I think the CD6 drop was too early to be an implementation dip. The only thing that I think could have happened is that I somehow ovulated before the trigger shot (my follicles seem to grow really fast on Femera, as the doc told me to trigger the next night when I had one at 19 and one at 17) at my CD10 ultrasound.) There was a slight temp rise (from 97.0 baseline to 97.3) on morning of Trigger shot, then the next day it shot up to 98.0, so ovulation happened somewhere in there.)

Right now, all there is to do is wait. I was a little defeatist the other day when my temp dropped so significantly, but it’s a relief to see it bump back up. I’ve hit 98.3 in prior cycles in post ovulation, so it’s not strange for me, but according to temps this cycle it could be the start of the triphasic shift. Or it could be meaningless.

My BBT test times are a bit all over the place this cycle too — so it’s not 100% accurate. And I had one night of horrible sleep. But I’m hoping there’s something to it.

If we get pregnant this cycle, it would be amazing. It would mean not having to worry about spending $30,000-$100,000 on IVF treatments. So – we could buy that new couch we’ve been wanting…  and a crib. 🙂

 

CD16: Could this be The One?

I won’t know for another 2 weeks, still, but I can’t help but constantly wondering if every little thing I feel in my stomach is something happening… an embryo turning into a little human, preparing for implantation. I know, scientifically, it’s impossible for me to feel any of this right now — but I definitely feel something going on.

Maybe.

Maybe…

Two weeks is a short amount of time and a very long amount of time to wait. Because two weeks turns into six weeks when the next chance comes along, and six weeks turns into 10 and so on… plus, thousands of dollars more buying a glimmer of hope.

My BBT chart looks good so far (see below.) That’s meaningless as well, but at least it looks like the trigger shot did, indeed, induce ovulation. It looks like I had a fallback temp drop on post ovulation day 3 (CD 15), followed by a return to the higher temp today. The goal is to see the temp stay high and then eventually bump a little higher, which would be a sign of pregnancy. Or the flu. You know, one or the other…

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CD 13, Early Trigger Shot, and the TWW

In two weeks, I’ll know if this cycle amounted to anything other than $1000 in medical bills. I have a strange feeling in my heart this cycle is going to work (no reason other than I will be testing on my birthday and I want that to be my birthday gift) — but I’ve also been reading a lot about the super-high rate of miscarriages amongst women with PCOS and I’m now more concerned about getting pregnant and losing the pregnancy than getting pregnant to begin with.

There’s a little logic behind this. Not much. But my logic is that I seem to be a prime candidate for infertility treatments. Unless I have more tubal issues than we think, my only issue / reason for not getting pregnant, as far as we know thus far, is not ovulating. Well, with the Femera I’m producing 1-2 mature follicles each cycle — and they seem to be releasing properly when using a trigger shot to force ovulation. Assuming nothing else is wrong, we have a 15-20% chance each cycle of conceiving using this method.

Yet, the chances for women with PCOS to miscarry are 30%-50%, or even higher, according to numerous studies. I’m quite concerned that even if I can get pregnant, I won’t be able to stay pregnant. This is all personal hypothesis at this point — my eggs could be of horrible quality, or my tubes could be blocked, or something else could be wrong making it impossible for me to even get pregnant. Or, maybe my body isn’t set up like a typical woman with PCOS and I won’t have any issues with miscarriage.

I just like to plan ahead for these things so I’m emotionally prepared. I’ve been fairly sure my whole life I won’t be able to have children – or it would be very, very hard to get pregnant. So as much as I’m saddened over this, I’ve dealt with it a while ago. But – if I DO get pregnant and then lose the child, it’s going to be a whole new emotional ballgame.

I’ve been reading all of these horrible stories about miscarriage and I just think about how awful it is for all the women who have been through this. It’s actually fairly common, even for perfectly healthy expecting mothers. Most miscarriages happen in the first 12 weeks, but some happen later. I just worry about getting my hopes up — and also, actually I worry about worrying every day that the fetus might not make it to another day… not to mention reading those horrifying stories about miscarrying at work (I can’t even imagine!) Well, here’s to hoping this cycle is my ticket to pregnancy and I won’t have to experience miscarriage. But, I prepare for the worst… and hope for the best.

 

Infertility Costs to Date

Here is what we’ve spent thus far on our infertility treatments (2 cycles):

  • $350 – consultation w/ baseline ultrasound, clinic #1
  • $250 – husband’s standard tests
  • $16 – Femera for Cycle #1
  • $350 – required genetic testing
  • $350 – first cycle, ultrasound #1
  • $90 – initial lab tests
  • $350 – first cycle, ultrasound #2
  • $115 – trigger shot, cycle 1
  • $525 – consultation w/ baseline ultrasound, clinic #2
  • $475 – hydrosonogram
  • $800 – Cycle #2 (2 ultrasounds + 2 blood draws)
  • $150 – Trigger Shot for Cycle #2
  • $61 – other

Total to Date: $3880