Although I’m still hopeful that I’ll get pregnant with less invasive and expensive means, I have to be realistic that we may have to resort to IVF in order to have a kid (or, at least, any faint hope of having a kid.) IVF, i.e., “In-Vitro Fertilization,” is a fairly common practice nowadays. When I tell people that I’m having trouble getting pregnant, everyone  jumps to share with me how they know “so and so” who got pregnant with IVF. Simple.

In many cases, these friends of friends lived in a state where IVF is covered by insurance. They mention their friend had to “pay a lot,” but don’t realize that “a lot” is actually co-pays and deductibles, which is still a lot, but it’s not the a lot a lot that is what IVF costs without any infertility coverage, which is the case for most women/couples in America. (Only Massachusetts, New Jersey, Maryland, Connecticut and Illinois require insurance coverage of IVF — elsewhere it’s up to your company if and what they want to cover, which is usually nothing unless you work for Facebook or Google or a giant bank.)

The average cost of a “fresh cycle” of IVF in the US is $12,000-$16,000. Think that’s a lot of money? That doesn’t include any of the medication required  (that’s an extra $3000-$5000+), or optional add ons, such as embryo biopsy and screening. If you get enough eggs out in round one, they can be frozen (and fertilized), for an annual fee, and then frozen cycles later are a little cheaper, at $3000-$5000+ per cycle, plus medications and the optional costs.

According to AdvancedFertility.com, IVF with preimplantation genetic testing (with meds) and a subsequent frozen embryo transfer usually costs about $17,000 – $25,000 in the US.

For women under 35, there is a 47.5% chance that $25,000 will amount to a child. There’s more than a 50% chance that you won’t get pregnant, and that $25,000 will be out the door, never to be seen again. When you turn 35, your chances of live birth decrease slightly to 39.6%. After you turn 38, those go down much more to 28%.

It’s a strange industry — medical clinics set up to give you hope, but also provide a realism in how you’re throwing substantial money at something that may not work, not to mention that if you do have a kid you really need that money to feed, clothe and shelter it. As a woman gets older, the clock is ticking, and suddenly money seems less important than just giving it all you’ve got to have a child. Maybe it won’t work, and maybe you’ll be $100k poorer for it, but at least you’ll know you tried.

Or, perhaps, you move to a state where they cover a cycle or two of IVF.