Category / infertility

by adena

The line is definitely getting darker…

13 days post trigger, 11 post ovulation, and I believe, at this point, 6 days post possible implantation. Temp is dropping a little bit — down to 98.0 from 98.2… but the HCG tests are definitely getting darker. It doesn’t make a ton of sense for the line to get DARKER 13 days post trigger unless perhaps somehow it decided to “concentrate” to confuse me.

I’m not sure if the tests remain accurate once they’ve dried up… but this is about what the lines looked like after the 5-ish minutes of testing. The one on the right is the oldest (from 2 days ago) and the one on the left is from just now / today. While the other days the line didn’t really show up until even after 5 minutes past taking the test, this line popped up much faster. It’s still not SUPER dark, but I’m starting to assume that if it’s the trigger shot / fake BFP it would be strange to get darker instead of lighter over the last 3 days.

I ordered a digital pregnancy test in the mail and it shows up Saturday, so I’ll take that test then (or I’ll get my period, since that is when I should get it if I’m not pregnant.) If I haven’t gotten AF by Monday I have a 6:30am appointment for my first blood test. I hate to get my hopes up, but I’m feeling really good about this cycle. Maybe too good.

The symptoms have generally went away for now… I was super nauseous and headache-y earlier this week. I felt some cramps this morning and was convinced it’s AF starting, but then I also have (TMI) “typical early pregnancy” constipation – horribly – so it could just be that… or, it could be I’m sure sensitive to the trigger shot AND am going to start bleeding tomorrow or Saturday, and be back to square 1. I really hope I continue to see a line tomorrow… since I HAD planned to take my first test then (my 34th birthday) but… I have no patience when it comes to these things.

[[below — left = today, middle = yesterday, right = 2 days ago]]

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by adena

Managing Infertility at Thanksgiving and the Holiday Season

Although I miss my family, I’m glad this year we’re not making the trek across the country to see them — where we’d face at least subtle, or not-so-subtle, hints about how we should be having children. It’s expected of us now, a year-and-a-half after getting married, both in our mid 30s. We should be pregnant – right now.

Of course, we’re not… because we have our infertility struggles. But my two week wait is not proper small talk for holiday dinner table conversation. So we talk around it. We don’t talk about it at all. I avoid going home to see my family because – even though many of them do know that I struggle with infertility – there is still the question of when we’re having kids. No one understands exactly what this infertility thing means. To be frank, I don’t either.

The holidays are certainly one of the hardest times of the year to be dealing with infertility. If we didn’t want kids, it would be easier. But knowing we want them and having to avoid questions about when we will have them is harder than I initially thought it would be…

by adena

CD 21 (11 DPO) – headaches, nausea, cramping, and hope.

Maybe I’m just getting sick or having a severe case of PMS. My temps are still safely up at my post-ovulation levels, but haven’t actually gone up further. I’ve been at 98.1 flat for past two days. Which could mean – anything.

Based on prior Femera cycles, I seem to get AF (“Aunt Flow”) 14 days after ovulating on the dot. My body is a strange beast. I think it wants so desperately to be working properly (I must have my grandmother-who-bore-6-children-before-27’s DNA, huh?) but since I don’t ovulate on my own, it goes into overdrive to prove it can work when I get the meds that make me finally grow and release an egg(s.) Or, so that’s what I tell myself to keep sane and hopeful.

So – either I’ll be getting a visit from AF on my 34th birthday, or I’ll be left to wonder… did something stick this cycle? I’m planning to test Sunday or later. I kind of want to just wait it out until CD 36 as my natural cycles have been ~35 days lately (though some have been much longer), and if AF isn’t here by then it’s worth testing. I don’t think it makes a huge difference if I’m 4 weeks pregnant or 5 weeks when I find out, as long as I avoid alcohol (and, lawd knows all of this “am I pregnant?” stress – plus the holiday season – makes it hard to avoid… but I shall abstain for good measure.)

 

by adena

CD16: Could this be The One?

I won’t know for another 2 weeks, still, but I can’t help but constantly wondering if every little thing I feel in my stomach is something happening… an embryo turning into a little human, preparing for implantation. I know, scientifically, it’s impossible for me to feel any of this right now — but I definitely feel something going on.

Maybe.

Maybe…

Two weeks is a short amount of time and a very long amount of time to wait. Because two weeks turns into six weeks when the next chance comes along, and six weeks turns into 10 and so on… plus, thousands of dollars more buying a glimmer of hope.

My BBT chart looks good so far (see below.) That’s meaningless as well, but at least it looks like the trigger shot did, indeed, induce ovulation. It looks like I had a fallback temp drop on post ovulation day 3 (CD 15), followed by a return to the higher temp today. The goal is to see the temp stay high and then eventually bump a little higher, which would be a sign of pregnancy. Or the flu. You know, one or the other…

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