Although I miss my family, I’m glad this year we’re not making the trek across the country to see them — where we’d face at least subtle, or not-so-subtle, hints about how we should be having children. It’s expected of us now, a year-and-a-half after getting married, both in our mid 30s. We should be pregnant – right now.
Of course, we’re not… because we have our infertility struggles. But my two week wait is not proper small talk for holiday dinner table conversation. So we talk around it. We don’t talk about it at all. I avoid going home to see my family because – even though many of them do know that I struggle with infertility – there is still the question of when we’re having kids. No one understands exactly what this infertility thing means. To be frank, I don’t either.
The holidays are certainly one of the hardest times of the year to be dealing with infertility. If we didn’t want kids, it would be easier. But knowing we want them and having to avoid questions about when we will have them is harder than I initially thought it would be…
Despite being exhausted, I work up not-so-bright and early at 4am this morning. I took my temp, which theoretically should be lower than prior temps waking up a full 2-3 hours earlier than normal, and it came in at 98.2. That could be a good sign.
Pee-on-a-stick test yesterday showed no HCG within first 5 minutes, but when I checked this morning the line on it was darker than the one I took the day before. The tests aren’t reliable after that long, so it’s meaningless – or is it?
Going to get a Beta blood test on Monday. Friday is the earliest I can have this done and the office is closed then. I figure if Ms. AF doesn’t come over the weekend, something is up, and it’s worth being human pincushion once more to find out if the cycle worked… or discuss options to start a new cycle of treatment, and another $950 investment.
This morning’s new symptoms = me catching a cold. Well, I’m not quite sure if it’s a cold, or if the air is just super dry. I had another crazy intense dream last night, but I do get weird dreams on occasion. At least, unlike the night before, there were no giant snakes this time.
Temp is still up, but no third shift yet. The TWW does go so very slowly. Still expecting AF on Saturday. I’ve felt like I’m “just about to get my period” for the entirety of the time after taking the trigger shot, so all of this is my body being extra sensitive to these meds. I shudder to think how I’ll handle those crazy IVF drugs should we need to move on to that!
Still CD20. Still dealing with these “between the eyes” headaches and nauseous feeling in my throat. I know I’m supposed to wait another 5 days to test, but I caved. Which is dumb because for all intents and purposes right now any test “positive” line, however faint, is likely the trigger shot still leaving my system.
But I took the test nonetheless… out of pure curiosity. The good news is that even a faint line today could help be a baseline for what to compare to in a few days when I test again. And, it could give me some hope, albeit based on disillusion.
So… indeed, there was a very faint… very faint line on the test. Again, it’s likely just the trigger shot exiting my system. I’ve read places that it leaves the body in 10 days, and other places that it takes at least 14. One site recommended not testing until 20 days post trigger (by that point I’ll pretty much know I’m pregnant.)
Anyway, it feels good to for a second think I might actually be pregnant. If I’m not, I’m really concerned I have food poisoning from that chicken I ate the other day…